"Sir William, help me!" Lady Sarah dangled precariously from a tree limb, desperately trying to hang on as the ferocious wolves snapped at her heels. It took all of his strength, but Sir William managed to overcome the beast that had been attacking him and took up his sword to fight off the rest of the pack. They were no match for him. The last beast fell as the lady lost her grip, and Sir William turned just in time to catch the beautiful golden-haired maid and set her gently on the ground. "My hero!" she said with a swoon, "You are the bravest knight who ever lived and I love you forever."
William sat down and set his sword on the ground. It was, in actuality, a stick. He kicked over the carcasses of the dead wolves which, in reality, were baskets for the summer vegetables he was supposed to be harvesting. Five-year-old Sarah sat down beside him and affectionately rested her head against his arm. She was twenty years his junior, the daughter of a common farmer (although to William there was nothing at all common about her), and in sad reality had recently become an orphan.
"Sarah, where are you? It's time for supper!" Sarah's older sister, Eliza, stepped out of the woods, and William suddenly felt as if he had been hit in the head with a lance. Again. He felt completely stupid whenever the lovely 19-year-old was near. Again he found it hard to breathe. Again he felt completely awkward in his own skin. Again he suddenly didn't know what to do with his hands and had to put them behind his back. "Hello William," she called to him cheerfully. "Thanks for looking after Sarah." William could think of absolutely nothing to say, so after an awkward moment he just nodded lamely. "Have a good night!" the older beauty called, and both girls disappeared into the woods.
William covered his face with his hands. Once the girls were out of earshot, he lamented: "I am an idiot!"
"Have you known this for a while, or are you just figuring it out?" laughed a voice.
Startled, William looked up. A lean young man with short dark hair and a likable clean-shaven face emerged from the woods on the opposite side of the field. "I saw what just happened. Definitely idiotic. But you're not the first man to be confounded by a beautiful woman, and you certainly won't be the last." He approached with a grin.
"Merlin!" William jumped up, caught his hand, and shook it vigorously. "Well met! It's good to see you! How have you been?"
"Oh, no worse than last time you saw me. Still slaving away as Arthur's lackey and Gaius' dogsbody. How about you?"
"I am well," William said. "Though I'm obviously going to die a lonely old bachelor."
"Both of us, I'll wager," said Merlin with a laugh.
William had met Merlin the previous summer while travelling the road to one of the villages located about 20 miles from Camelot. Each had an errand there, and they had walked almost 18 miles together the first day, and the same distance together on the return trip the following day. It had been a distinct pleasure, and the two of them had parted good friends.
"What brings you to our village?" asked William.
"I came to ask a favor of you. I need your help." His face became playfully mysterious. "Actually, it is Prince Arthur that needs your help."
*************************************************
Chain mail is surprisingly heavy. That was the first thing William noticed in his initial meeting with the prince. The second thing he noticed was that Arthur Pendragon seemed absolutely fearless.
For nine hours Arthur coached William on knightly deportment. In that time William noticed many important things. Arthur's clothes were clean. His skin was clean. His hair was clean. He carried chain mail as if it were made of straw, with shoulders back and head held high. When Arthur walked, he led with his chest. When he talked, he met everyone's eyes. He never apologized, even when his words to Merlin were absolutely scandalous. William found Arthur brilliant, arrogant, charismatic, spoiled, clever, cruel and funny. During the first hour, William began to utterly worship him - a thing he would continue to do for the rest of his life.
That evening, William slept in the tent they would be using during the contest. He practiced and practiced walking like Arthur. He felt terrified at the prospect of appearing as a knight before the king and all of Camelot in the morning, but he also felt exhilerated.
Just before dismissing him for the night, Arthur had said to him, "This will work, William. I know you can do this, and do it well. I have total faith in you." The words played over and over and over in William's head. Late that night, when at last he slept, he dreamed them.
***********************************************
"Now remember the plan," Arthur said, as Merlin helped William into his armor. "I am competing in the tournament, but no one will know that it's me. All you have to do is acknowledge the crowd at the end of the match." It was morning, the crowd was gathering, and William was standing in a contestant's tent, preparing to impersonate nobility. He knew he must look scared, and he hated it. Arthur had told him that breathing deeply would help, so he focused on breathing, while silently begging his knees to stop knocking against each other. He desperately wanted to do his best for Arthur. The prince walked over and looked directly into William's eyes. "Act like you belong there, and people will believe that you do." Arthur's confidence flooded William with hope.
He whispered a silent prayer, walked outside, and mounted the most beautiful horse he had ever seen.
The opening ceremony before the king went well. William managed to stay on his horse. He did his best to match the demeanor of the knights who flanked him on either side. In little time he was back in the tent with Merlin and Prince Arthur.
"That was well done," Merlin told him with a grin.
"I hope I didn't seem as terrified as I felt," said William.
"You didn't," said Merlin. "Not at all."
"You must never be ashamed of fear," said Arthur, coming to stand in front of William. "There is no courage without fear." William looked at him in wonder. Arthur continued "If you're doing something dangerous and you feel no fear, you're an absolute fool."
"That explains much," muttered Merlin pleasantly, as he polished an odd piece of armor.
Ignoring his servant, the prince sat down and motioned for William to do the same. "The trick is to handle your fear. You mustn't tell yourself you're not afraid. Quite the opposite. Admit it to yourself straightway, and then let it teach you. Ask yourself, 'Is this fear rational? What can it tell me about my situation?' Once you've addressed your fear, you can set it aside for a moment and think about what you're going to do."
William was fascinated. All of his life he had believed himself a coward. Now Arthur was revealing that he experienced the same kinds of feelings that William did. The idea sent his mind reeling.
"You have to think about what you're doing there in the first place," Arthur went on. "William, can you tell me the battle cry of Camelot?"
"For the love of Camelot." Every child in the land knew this.
"When I was younger, I have to admit I thought those words were a bit cliché. But then I started thinking about what they meant - in the context where they are used - and I changed my mind. Countless brave men have made those sacred words their last. All of them could have run away, kept their dear lives, and grown to be old men with their families. But they did not. They made protecting Camelot their highest purpose. They gave all for the love of this land."
William was moved.
"So what do you love, William?" The prince paused for a moment, as if to consider the question himself.
William's heart was flooded with thoughts of Eliza. He thought of the girl struggling to keep her departed father's farm from failing, struggling to keep little Sarah fed and protected. He thought of the worry that Eliza must face every day, knowing that winter would come eventually, and not knowing if they would be ready to survive it alone. So often he had wanted to reassure her, to offer her his help, but something had always stopped him. William now knew it wasn't mere stupidity - it was fear.
William feared that Eliza would refuse him.
"Your love is everything," Arthur said. "Let it be the purpose for everything you do. Choose to honor your love by facing your fear and taking the correct action. It is by facing fear that the greatest deeds are done."
A trumpet sounded, and Arthur stood. William handed him his helmet and said a quiet but heartfelt "Good luck, my lord."
William had to admit he was beginning to enjoy being a knight. The crowds adored him. They cheered when he waved. Ladies of the court blew him kisses. Young girls threw flowers at him. It was fun.
But all good things must come to an end, and so must all jousting tournaments. He left the cheering behind him and entered the tent. "They're nearly ready for you, sire," he said, handing Arthur his helmet. Arthur wordlessly accepted it, put it on his head, and departed the tent for his final match. William felt relieved and exultant, knowing he was done with his work for the prince. He had not botched anything. He had faced his fear and he had succeeded.
A few minutes later William was startled to see Gwen help a seriously wounded Arthur into the tent. "His lance pierced my armor," he said through clenched teeth as Gwen assessed the extent of the injury. William stood and picked up Arthur's helmet, wishing there were some other way he could help.
"You're losing too much blood," Gwen said worriedly.
"Do what you can," panted Arthur. "I have to be back on the course in five minutes or I forfeit the match."
Guinevere was shocked. "You can't possibly joust. You're too badly injured!"
"I have never withdrawn from a match. I do not intend to start now."
"You would risk your life to protect your pride?" William was surprised by the depth of concern in Gwen's face. "You have nothing to prove, least of all to me."
"I have everything to prove," said Arthur gently. "To myself." He looked to William, and motioned for his helmet. William surrendered it reverently. William watched as Gwen helped Arthur back outside.
The wait was not long. In a few short minutes the match was over. The crowd was still cheering as Merlin helped Arthur back into the tent. The prince had triumphed. William watched him in amazement. Merlin revealed some unexpected facts about the final match, then said "The people are waiting for their champion. It's time to reveal yourself."
The prince looked to William and said quietly, "You must go and collect the trophy."
"I thought this was going to be your moment of glory," said Gwen.
"Perhaps," said Arthur, "this is a time for humility."
Gwen's smile lit up the room, and in that moment William knew something he was not meant to know. But William the farmer had already vowed within himself that he would die before ever betraying Arthur Pendragon.
The prince looked at William again, and nodded for him to go. William turned and obeyed, carrying an unexpected rapture in his chest.
*******************************************
William walked toward the village in the twilight. He had decided that, henceforth, Arthur's walk would be his own. It seemed to match what he was feeling, or perhaps it was the prince's stride that somehow improved what was in his heart. He wore his old farmer's clothes, but he felt like a new man.
He carried a trophy in his sack, along with a small box of gold coins: both gifts from Arthur. But William knew very well what Arthur's greatest gift to him had been.
William thought of where he was planning to go, and it gave him intense pangs of trepidation. "That's fear," he thought. And then he imagined Eliza's face. It actually made him walk a little faster. This evening he was going to knock on her door.
No matter what happened, William knew he could face it. He felt brave. For the first time in his life, he walked toward a mighty destiny.
THE END
(Author's note: Janette Marie Freeman's article: "4 KEYS to Developing Courage" helped me formulate elements of this story.)
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